Today was not a good day. Emotions are running high in our apartment right now. The cat is in heat so all she does is yeowl and put her butt up at you every chance she gets. My son just started back on his Ritalin after being off of it for a week, so he’s still struggling at school with behavior issues. My husband is sinking further and further into a depression that I’m not sure I can help him out of. I lost a really close friend over this last weekend and my heart still hurts like hell because of it. Needless to say it’s not a very good place to be right now especially if you have any empathy in your body at all, because it just feels heavy here lately.
I feel like I am on autopilot. I haven’t really felt like I am really “here” at all this week. I’ve started getting headaches again which isn’t good. I want to just sit down and cry for hours on end, but yet I can’t seem to get the tears to come. I’m still angry at the loss of my friend because it was so unfair she was only 29 years old. Such a loss and a tragedy. One of many that I have endured throughout my lifetime. My eyes are so heavy I’m not sure how I can even keep them open to write this blog, yet I continue to type away. Am I on autopilot again or are my sentences making since? I’m hoping if I blog enough I might feel better or at least be able to start making sense of the feelings going on in my head.
I bragged at the end of 2007 about how great my life had gotten since my husband and I got together. I should not have bragged so much even if it was only in my own head, because 2008 has sure socked it to me and it’s only the 16th! I know that the year will smooth out and get better, but it feels like everything is against me and I don’t have a friend in the world right now.
I guess I should get the laundry done and get myself to bed at a decent time tonight. The past few nights I have not slept well because my mind has been too active and I really really need the sleep. Any suggestions on how to make life easier, please share with me because I’m about to lose my mind!
