I’m not dead!

It has been ages since I’ve written anything in this blog and I hadn’t even noticed. My URL name says it all, “Too Busy to Notice!” that’s for sure. The most recent thing that has happened in this chaotic existence I call life is that we (me, hubby and kiddo) moved. That was absolute hell and I’ve got all the funny yet sad details for you.

We found this absolutely wonderful townhouse in a great neighborhood so I was genuinely excited when it came time to get ready to move. A nice new place, family area, close to everything we could ever need, what more could I ask for, well movers would have been nice. My husband and I navigated our entire move in three days all by ourselves. We had a truck and a dolly (hand truck for heavy lifting) and that’s about it. We started on a Friday night after work. I had that Friday off, but spent most of that day packing up the remains of the old apartment.

Here’s a little background into how my moving experiences have gone before in my past. I’ve always moved either at night in the dark or when it’s pouring rain. My friends can vouch for me on that one. In the 14 years that I’ve been out on my “own” I’ve moved a total of 109 times! (No I am not exaggerating). This was moved #109. At this point you think I’d be a pro at it right? Hardly. Hubby being not very motivated wasn’t helping either. We did get it done however, but it wasn’t smooth or effortless. Those shows on tv make it look so easy, well let me tell you what Extreme Home Makeover can kiss my butt, cause there was nothing easy about this!

Thank goodness I’ve been going to the gym and have increased my upper body strength or my poor hubby would have done this move solo. My increased muscle mass definitely gave me the upper hand in our adventure. It started off flowing well, grab furniture, move it to the truck go get some more. Then it started to sprinkle. The sprinkle turned into an all out rain before too long so we stopped for that night. We would resume on Saturday. So we did. We pushed ourselves so hard on Saturday that we were beyond tired, beyond sore, and beyond rational at points. Tempers flared, especially when in a rush I jumped into the truck and grabbed our box spring to our bed, forgetting that the glass top to our dining room table was propped up against it and I pulled the box spring. I never knew a dining room table top could shatter into so many different pieces, both large and small. Wonderful. My husband screamed at me, and I was left picking up the pieces with tears of defeat streaming down my face. Could this day get any worse?

Sunday we did errand running, took the moving truck back after we finished purchasing some furniture, and moved the rest of the things out of the apartment in my car. I didn’t get finished until after 9pm driving back and forth from the old place to the new place. I didn’t get to bed that night until almost 1am and had to get up at 5:45 am for work Monday morning. Crap doesn’t even being to explain how I felt at that point.

I went to work Monday morning only to leave at noon to come home. I was just too tired to function anymore at that point. I hadn’t been sleeping well in the new place and I was overly fatigued from moving furniture like I was in boot camp or something. It was nuts. It took me about three days to re-cooperate from the move, then I caught my son’s cold. That knocked me out of the count for another three days. It sucked all the way around at that point. I was beginning to think that this move was going to be the death of me for sure.

I sit here now in my mostly unpacked house. It’s comfortable and getting more and more homey every day. There isn’t as much closet space here so for now the dining room is our “catch all” room since we have no dining room table anymore (some bitch broke it when we were moving, can you believe it? ha ha!) I am ok with the little bit of clutter that is about, because I’ve done every bit of unpacking that has been done. Hubby figured moving furniture was all he needed to do and he still hasn’t recovered from the move and we’re going into week three. I guess he’s more out of shape than we thought.

This weekend is our weekend without the kid. I thought, “Finally our weekend together, awesome!” Well I sit here blogging about stuff while hubby is upstairs asleep. He was in bed at 9pm and fell asleep about 8:25 watching a movie here at home with me. I couldn’t believe it. We’re supposed to be having fantastic kinky sex right now and the only thing that has me hot is my laptops exhaust fan blowing on my leg as I sit here typing this. Have I been reduced to this? Friday night, no kid and the only thing getting me hot is my laptop? What the hell happened to me? Well I guess I must face the reality that I’m getting older and life isn’t always hot sex and rock n roll. (Nooooo!) Ok I’m over it for now, but understand that I don’t like it one bit!

That’s life for us right now. Working all week, then come home on the weekends and do absolutely nothing. I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things organized, trying to keep my son occupied and out of trouble and trying to figure out why my husband is depressed all the time and does nothing but work, eat and sleep. It’s been fun. I keep checking the closets here for the vortex that takes me back to my own reality where life made sense, but I can’t seem to find it now. For now I’m stuck in this twilight zone of chaos trying to make sense of the madness. I’m a woman I’m sure I can do it. (But why does it always have to be me?)

When something else spiffy happens I’ll be sure to post. If I go crazy, I’ll make sure to blog from my padded cell when the men with the nice white coats will let me. Until then pray that I make it and try not to let chaos happen to you!

I feel ancient now!

Listening to the radio tonight on the way home from work I was hearing some totally awesome music. It was all my favorite songs from when I was in high school and I was getting my groove on. That’s when my husband told me it was the “classic rock” station. WHAT? Classic rock? When did I become so ancient that the songs I listened to in my youth are considered “classic”. Wow! I know I’m no spring chicken anymore, but that makes me feel even older. I consider the songs my siblings used to listen to and what my parents would listen to classic, not what I listened to. Maybe I’m in denial, I’m not sure. I guess I will have to eventually admit to myself that yes I am getting older, and there is nothing wrong with that. I seriously don’t think that my music taste is classic though, just let it be known!

What sort of world do we live in?

Ever since I started working for Blue Cross Blue Shield I started watching CNN on the tv in the break room during lunch and breaks. Is it just me or are most of the news stories on CNN recently about murder and horrible things going on in the world? Sure politics make up a majority of the newsworthy headlines recently as to be expected. I know a lot more about the race now than I did before working there. However I am so heartbroken by all the “other” news stories out there. Adults killing kids, kids killing kids, a Marine losing his mind and doing the unthinkable, I mean is there anything that is happy to report anymore?

These news stories are just so disheartening to listen to. It makes me scared to think that I am bringing my child up in this world. The stories that get me most are the parents who kill their children. What the hell goes through their minds at that moment. I mean there have been times I’ve been really angry at my son, but I could never lay hands on him enough to end his life. I fought too long and too hard to bring him into this world and I couldn’t think what the world would be like without him. These people are throwing kids off bridges, tasering them with tasers, tossing a newborn out of a car on the side of the road. I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap. There are so many women out there who cannot have kids of their own who would love to take a child that wasn’t wanted and give it a good loving home. There is no need to kill an innocent child. If you are too scared to do adoption, then take the child to a police station, a hospital, a church, anywhere where that child will be found safe and taken in by someone who will help it. There are so many options that murder is not necessary at all. Not to mention if you don’t want kids, there are ways to protect against that too. Birth control is free at most walk in clinics. I could rant for hours on this soapbox because it’s something that I’ll never understand. How could a parent bring a child into this world just to take it’s life when the going gets tough or when they are bored with playing parent? It makes me wish I was a judge sometimes, cause I’d seek the death penalty for them all.

The story today was Mr. Cutts’ trial. This man was a cop who was accused of killing his 9 month pregnant girlfriend last year. Police were called after the victim’s mother found the son at the home alone and no sign of her daughter. When asked by the police where his mommy was, the little 2 year old boy stated, “Mommy’s in the rug!” I followed this story a bit last year when it broke into the headlines. Now Mr. Cutts is on trial for the murder of Jessie Davis and her unborn child. They are seeking the death penalty if he’s convicted. To hear him tell “his” side of the story today made me ill. This man was a cop, what the hell was he thinking? He said that he “accidentally” his her with his elbow and she “fell hard”. Well being a law enforcement officer wouldn’t he then proceed with CPR and call 911? Oh no not him. He did do CPR and when he got no response from her, he rolled her up in a carpet and tossed her body in a nearby field. Did I mention that he left the 2 year old child (who was also his) at the home alone. That child was alone for two days before anyone came looking for Jessie Davis. This story sickens me in more ways than one. How can anyone kill a pregnant women? I just don’t understand.

That brings me to the Marine who done lost his mind and killed a fellow Marine. According to news the woman was going to testify against the male Marine in a case where she was accusing him of raping her. Well instead of facing charges for rape, he now will face charges of two murders because the female Marine was also pregnant. (Again killing a pregnant woman!) He went AWOL and ran to Mexico after the murder. Her body was found in his backyard buried in a shallow grave and burned. I guess he thought that no one would ever find out. Totally senseless. What goes through someones mind when they choose to murder another living being?

I thought about this. Sure there are certain times in my life when I can easily say that I would murder someone. If someone tried to hurt my husband or my son. If a man tried to rape or hurt me and I felt I had no other means of escape. It doesn’t make murder right, but it makes it explainable. In the cases I’m seeing on the news lately, there is no explanation, it’s just senseless, stupid and cold-hearted. What is this world coming to? I know that things will never get better, but can they get much worse? You tell me.

I’ve got the blues.

Another week comes to an end, yet I find myself not nearly as enthused as I should be that it’s the weekend. I think I’ve got a case of the blues and I can’t quite shake it lately. I’m not even sure what snowballed it into the beast that it is now, but I do know that I just want to sleep until I feel better.

My son was excellent at school most of the week this week. Yesterday however he had a terrible day and got in trouble when he got home. That wasn’t the way I wanted to kick off my weekend. Today I was planning on signing him up for soccer, that’s not going to happen now. Our agreement with him in order for him to get involved in activities like that was he had to be on good behavior all week at school. Well he wasn’t so now he knows that there is a consequence for his actions. I hate having to be the bad guy about stuff like this, but we’ve discovered recently if we remain lax on the issue he gets lazy and won’t behave at school. We had to take a firm stand and punishment has to be doled out every time he’s not on good behavior. If I make exceptions for one situation he uses that to his advantage and expects me to allow him to slide for every situation and that’s simply not happening anymore. Up to this point I’ve been a pushover when it comes to giving in to him and I’ve been a very laid back parent. However the older he gets the more he knows how far to push that envelope to get the odds to turn out in his favor. He’s smart and that’s the issue because he thinks like an adult in certain situations and I’m definitely not used to a child who’s on my level. Don’t get me wrong smart is good, but too smart can be irritating at times.

Work is going great. I’m almost done with my training period. The past few days I’ve submitted my claims for review and not gotten any errors. It was a good feeling to know that I had two perfect days in a row. Tuesday and Wednesday were my perfect days. We’re still waiting to get the results back from Thursday and Friday hasn’t been submitted for review yet. My Monday was horrible, so the next few days of awesome sure did make up for it.

Home life is going well. Counting down the days until I can get out of this ghetto apartment complex and move somewhere decent. Lately things have gotten so bad here I’m about to pull my hair out. I could list the things that I hate about this place but that would be a hefty read. I pay over $700 a month in rent I expect better for my money, however I am sadly disappointed every time we walk in the door or drive through the parking lot. It wasn’t a bad place when we moved in two years ago, but now it’s just gone to hell. We’re looking into renting a house. I think I’ve had enough of apartment living for my lifetime. I want a place that I won’t grow out of as readily and that I can feel like home in. Once we get our credit cleared up (well my credit mostly) and start building up some strong positive credit (get my car paid off), we’ll look into buying a house. I think that’ll take at least 5 years or so. I want to get the best rate for buying a home and not get stiffed with high interest rates on a mortgage because my FICO score isn’t where it should be. Here’s hoping for the best!

I haven’t been writing recently because I can’t seem to muster the motivation to do it. Like I said I’ve been feeling kinda blue lately. I try to play on the computer or watch movies or television, but it’s all very uninteresting to me right now. I went to the gym once this past week because every weeknight when I go it’s just packed in there and I hate having to wait for machines or weights. So I made excuses and skipped out the other nights. How can a person who knows that they are slipping into a depression stop the actions from happening? My mind understands the symptoms and knows that it’s not a good state of mind to be in, yet I can’t seem to fix the problem. It’s weird. I haven’t had a good depressive bout in a long time, maybe I’m just overdue? I just need some good comfort food (or chocolate) and something nice and warm to drink. My life is so good right now so why the hell am I so sad? Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated!

Is there hope?

Is there hope? Well my weekend started off not so great. Friday afternoon I got a call from my son’s school saying that he had been suspended pending a meeting with the principle on Monday morning. I’ve got to be there at 7am to meet with him. I was furious. How in the blue hell do you get suspended from KINDERGARTEN? Needless to say my bored 5 year old has been sitting in the corner and he’s not too happy about it at all. Why should he be happy, he is on the verge of getting kicked out of school and he doesn’t even seem to care. Is there hope?

This all started at the beginning of the school year when he started Kindergarten. His behavior was less than stellar, so it was suggested that I have him tested for ADHD. I did and it was found that he is ADHD and also border line gifted. He tested at a 8-9 year old level for comprehension and speech. However he’s only about a 3-4 year old level socially. He’s very immature and wants to play all the time, he doesn’t have “time” to do schoolwork.

After putting him on Ritalin I discovered that Ritalin hypered him up too much, so the doctor added another prescription to the regiment called Clonidine. That seemed to work well. Then I found out that he was sleeping through class! I was so angry at his teacher for letting him sleep through class just because she didn’t want to “deal” with him. Another call to the doctor got the Clonidine removed and the Ritalin dosage increased. This hasn’t worked at all. I have to call him again on Monday and let him know what the situation with the school is and see if maybe another medication would be a better option at this point.

However report cards came home last week, and I must say I was impressed with the scholastic part of it. My little man is on par or above average for the things he should know how to do in class already. However the behavior section of the report card is all I’s (meaning Inconsistant). It’s so frustrating. I know he’s super smart, and he’s such a good kid everywhere else but school. It’s like he gets onto campus and turns into Satan. I was wondering for awhile if I should have named him Damien. Is there hope?

I’m not going to worry too much about it today. I’m actually trying to enjoy my weekend. I’ve been so stressed out lately with taking my final at work (passed with a 90% by the way!), the death of a dear friend (who will be missed but not forgotten), my son’s behavior (is military school an option?) and all the other evils that are life (I have to do laundry again??), it’s been a hectic couple of weeks. I think I might be able to pull it all together and get back on track once I talk to the school tomorrow and get that mess straightened out. At least I hope so. I’ll keep everyone posted on how that all turns out.

Is there hope that my 2008 will be a better year? Or am I destined to struggle and fight through this one too? I will appreciate any words of wisdom or support at this point cause man I feel bleak already and it’s not even the end of January!

Trudging along

Today was not a good day. Emotions are running high in our apartment right now. The cat is in heat so all she does is yeowl and put her butt up at you every chance she gets. My son just started back on his Ritalin after being off of it for a week, so he’s still struggling at school with behavior issues. My husband is sinking further and further into a depression that I’m not sure I can help him out of. I lost a really close friend over this last weekend and my heart still hurts like hell because of it. Needless to say it’s not a very good place to be right now especially if you have any empathy in your body at all, because it just feels heavy here lately.

I feel like I am on autopilot. I haven’t really felt like I am really “here” at all this week. I’ve started getting headaches again which isn’t good. I want to just sit down and cry for hours on end, but yet I can’t seem to get the tears to come. I’m still angry at the loss of my friend because it was so unfair she was only 29 years old. Such a loss and a tragedy. One of many that I have endured throughout my lifetime. My eyes are so heavy I’m not sure how I can even keep them open to write this blog, yet I continue to type away. Am I on autopilot again or are my sentences making since? I’m hoping if I blog enough I might feel better or at least be able to start making sense of the feelings going on in my head.

I bragged at the end of 2007 about how great my life had gotten since my husband and I got together. I should not have bragged so much even if it was only in my own head, because 2008 has sure socked it to me and it’s only the 16th! I know that the year will smooth out and get better, but it feels like everything is against me and I don’t have a friend in the world right now.

I guess I should get the laundry done and get myself to bed at a decent time tonight. The past few nights I have not slept well because my mind has been too active and I really really need the sleep. Any suggestions on how to make life easier, please share with me because I’m about to lose my mind!

Black Sunday

I know that I am not the only busy mommy in the world who has walked into her house and left her keys dangling from the front door. Well I found out the hard way in my neighborhood it’s not a good idea to have such a moment of stupidity.

We came home from a friend’s house last night. As we walked in the door my hands were full of bags containing our dinner and I was trying to keep the newest member of our family, a totally adorable white cat with orange rings on her tail and orange ears, from running out. I slammed the door shut and we set about to eating dinner and taking care of the cats needs.

About 30-45 minutes later I heard someone messing with our front door. I told my husband to check it out but when he opened the door there was no one there. Not thinking about it we continued with our evening and went to bed at about 1am.

This morning I got up and decided to go to the gym. I got into my gym attire and was motivating myself into the workout. I reached into my jacket pocket. No keys. I reached into the other pocket. No keys. I looked on the tables and my hubby’s computer desk. No keys. Still in denial, I searched my purse, my jacket and even asked my son if he’d seen mommy’s keys. No keys. Oh God, I’d left them in the door! I opened the front door. No keys! I checked out our window and my car was still there. I started to have a mental freak out. My husband was like “This is why you shouldn’t leave your keys in the door.” I wanted to scream, “No sh**!” Instead I began to cry and that’s when he noticed, “You won’t be going to the gym today, call the police my car is gone!”

I’ve been bragging for weeks about how great things were finally going for us and how lucky I was that my once severely complicated life is now so drama free. I guess my happiness was too much for the fates because I sure did get it all back in a matter of 24 hours. I called the police department and reported the incident, an officer was dispatched right away. I couldn’t stop crying. I was angry with myself for being so stupid to leave my whole keyring in the front door especially in this complex. I was scared because someone had my keys, MY keys. Mine! My house keys, mailbox keys, car keys, all the little keyring membership cards that I’d collected including the one for my gym membership. I called the apartment manager and she got maintenance over right away to put new locks on our apartment. It’s good to have the guy living on site. I called our auto insurance company to report the incident and they made note of it. My hubby didn’t have full coverage on his vehicle he just had PLPD, so we will not be getting reimbursed for his stolen vehicle. Neither of us had emergency roadside service on our policies so getting the locks changed on my car was coming out of my pocket. Great! So much for saving money this month to move on in March.

After all is said and done, I’ve spent $437 dollars to get new locks on my car and a new key made. It took the locksmith about 4 hours to do this. I felt so sorry for the poor guy. Out here on a Sunday for four hours changing tumblers and ignition switches. Yippee! I’m sure he’s getting paid well to do what he does, but still.

I feel like I have been run over by a train. Our apartment is secure and my car is secure now, whoever has my keys cannot come back and access a damn thing. The complex manager will call the US Post Office to get a new lock and key to our mailbox tomorrow. Being down to one car again is going to suck severely but there is nothing we can do about something that was my fault.

It’s never ceases to amaze me how awful that stress makes a person feel. My eyes feel like they weigh about 2 tons from all the crying. I can’t shake this feeling of depression. I feel violated and stupid for not paying more attention to something so very important. I feel guilty for the loss of my husband’s car. It was a 1992 little beater car granted, but still it was his and now it’s gone. What a great end to my weekend. I’m sure I’ll be so ready for work come tomorrow morning. Oh and not to mention tomorrow is little bears first day back to school in three weeks. I’m sure that is going to be a disaster. I can only hope for the best at this point.

I’m going to drink my last two wine coolers left over from New Year’s and hope that calms me down some. I hate feeling like this. I spent most of my life feeling this way, but since my hubby and I have been together I’ve been so happy. Once you go happy you never want to go back to what you knew before it. Never again will I leave my keys in the front door. They took my CUTE key chains darn it! I am just so angry! Hubby says it’s just stuff and I have other key rings, but that’s not the point the point is they were my things and someone took the liberty to steal them instead of just knocking on my door and giving them back to me. Jerks, the world is full of jerks. I hope they ran out of gas or blew a tire in the newly acquired car they picked up last night. ARRGH! Ok I’m over it, sorta. I’ll keep everyone posted as to whether or not we get his car back.

I think I woke up in the twilight zone!

Did you ever have one of those days where you look at it and say, “what the hell did I wake up in the twilight zone?” Well today is definitely one of those days for me. Nothing seemed to go right and I’m sick on top of it so I already feel like crap. Gotta love days like this.

It started off normal enough, got ready for work, got my kiddo ready for school and out the door we went a little early so I could stop and get gas. Which if you’ve been to the pumps lately, that’s a very depressing moment. Luckily it only took $40 to fill up my car, not as bad as I was anticipating. Off to school we went. Traffic was light so I didn’t have to worry about running late and making up time. I dropped him off and he was a little reluctant to get out of the car, but finally he did and into the school he went. I headed to work.

I arrived at the office and realized that it was pretty empty, which isn’t unusual for being that early in the morning. I went ahead and started a pot of coffee for my coworkers (I drink hot tea), and got lights turned on in the back part of the office. I sat down at my desk and turned on my computer. Now let me tell you something about my computer, it’s the biggest piece of poo that I have ever worked on in my life. It’s so outdated, I think it runs on a hamster in a wheel and slow doesn’t even begin to describe it’s speed. Every time I use that machine I think of those two turtles in the Comcast high speed commercial. I started booting it up at 7:50 and it was 8:10 before I got to the screen where I could start to open programs. I’ve told them what I need to have done with it before, but I’m just a temp so why should they bother making sure I have a system that I can actually do my work on in a timely manner?

After cussing the machine out thoroughly for being such a disappointment I finally got started on my daily work. Then my co-worker called and said she wasn’t going to make it in due to a knee injury and a doctor appointment that afternoon. Ok no problem, I can hold down the education and training fort while she’s out. I had plenty to do today anyways seeing as how tomorrow is the 15th and my reports are due out. Then the receptionist buzzed me to let me know that she was going to be out from about 9:15 to about noon. (there is a whole different story to tell you about that woman, I don’t think I have enough space to type all that…..lol) Ok so now I get to answer the phones while she’s out. Goody! I try to be optimistic as I go to the kitchen for that first cup of hot tea, but I already don’t want to be here now I’m doing the job of two other people today, could anything else happen?

Yes, yes it could. I no more than get back to my desk, steaming cup of tea in my hand than the receptionist buzzes me again and says that she has to leave immediately because he daughter called and ran out of gas. Ok I get the phones right now, no big deal I can do this. I check my work emails and get my in-box work done so I can finally start on my reports. Luckily for me the phones are pretty quiet and I don’t get many interruptions. It takes about 2 hours to run the reports and I am done shortly before lunch. At this point my throat is still killing me and I still want to crawl back into bed and not come out until Spring.

Lunch comes and goes quickly with nothing bad happening. I spend the rest of the afternoon at work stuffing envelopes with the reports that I just printed out and making sure that they are ready to be postmarked tomorrow morning. Then I get a phone call from a client. He told me what he needed and it was an easy task to complete, but then he kept me on the phone for almost 15 more minutes just chatting. Normally I wouldn’t have minded talking, I love to talk to people. At this point I had to really concentrate hard to not let my scratchy voice get the best of me and end up sounding like a man during this conversation. He just kept rambling on and I just kept thinking, “Don’t you ever shut up?” Finally I was able to get off the phone with him and resume the rest of my days activities with 20 minutes left of work.

Naturally those 20 minutes crept by at a snails pace because I wanted to get home. I left work and headed to the school to pick up my son. He came out to the car bawling. I asked him what was wrong and he said he’d been bad at school. Oh oh. I checked in his backpack and sure enough he had come home on red behavior. There is a story behind this too, let me elaborate.

My 5 year old son started kindergarten this year and was also diagnosed with ADHD. Now I have to admit that I was pretty skeptical with that diagnosis, thinking that ADHD wasn’t really an affliction but a lack of parenting. Well let me tell you what, it’s real and it has nothing to do with your skills as a parent. My sweet loving son that I’ve taken such care in raising all his life, went to kindergarten and turned into Damien from the Omen movies. He was violent and disrespectful and absolutely a horror to have in class. My mantra the entire time to his teacher was, “I don’t know what to say, he’s not like this at home.” Which he isn’t like that at home cause he knows better. I finally took him to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist and got him put on a medication regiment. He takes Ritalin and Clonidine. The medications work together to make sure he’s not too stimulated but that he’s not too lethargic either. It’s a great mix thus far and his behavior has gotten so much better in my opinion. However today was not a good day.

The teacher called me after school to say that he just wasn’t able to be in control of himself today. He wasn’t following directions, he didn’t do his classwork, he was rude and disrespectful to her most of the time during the day. Once again I was left saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why he’s behaving this way.” She said that she was really hoping that the medication would change his behaviors more than what they have and that she felt let down by his lack of change. I didn’t know what to say to that at all. I think he’s doing wonderfully (most of the time that is). He’s learning more, he’s reading simple books now, doing basic math and spelling and doing very good in Spanish. I don’t see how she can say that he’s not making progress. Sure he’s not perfect every day but what child at that age is? What more does she want out of him? This conversation left me feeling very disillusioned about everything.

So here I sit, blogging about the day. It’s almost 5pm I still have dinner to make and I don’t feel like doing it at all. There are no leftovers to scrounge from so I have to cook tonight. We’ve been going out to eat a lot lately because I haven’t been in the mood to cook. We really can’t spend anymore money on fast food. It’s just so hard to be motivated to do what I need to do when this day has been a complete drain on me. Work sucked, my kid got busted at school, and my husband woke me up at 3am this morning because he couldn’t sleep. If anyone ever needed a vacation I think I would qualify. I love my family don’t get me wrong but sometimes I get really sick and tired of being mom. I know that things will get better, but right now I need chocolate and take out…..=D