Totally Uncool!

Just when I thought it was safe to be happy and have a positive outlook on life, reality has to step in and rear it’s ugly head and make me realize that happily ever after is just a friggin fantasy. Today started off good enough, but it’s not the sunrise you have to question but how you feel when the sun sets.

I got up this morning feeling liberated to know that I didn’t have to return to the job that I had been working at. I took my son to school and then of all things to do on my day off I had to go to the gyno. Fortunately I have a great doctor who works at the medical mall of a local hospital and there is a Starbucks in the medical mall. All was forgiven over jokes about his phone ringing during my exam (you wanna get that? lol) and a gingerbread spice latte.

I left the doctor’s office to go shopping to pick up a few more pieces for my new job wardrobe. Ross is a wonderful store and they have plenty of clothes that look great in my size (which is smaller than it used to be, but far from petite!) I went to blockbuster and picked up a couple of movies so my hubby and I would have something to watch tonight as well. All was going pretty well.

The rest of the day passed with no meltdowns or drama. We watched our first movie “I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.” That had me laughing so hard I was in tears. It is a funny yet touching movie all at the same time. I do have to say that Ving Rhames should not be a gay firefighter though!

We put in our second movie which is the new Die Hard movie. Every man loves a good action flick right? Well tonight even Bruce Willis and computer hackers couldn’t make my husband forget that he is still a non smoker. His last day on the patch was Tuesday and he’s been miserable ever since. He says he feels hungry all the time, and his self esteem is totally in the toilet. He’s worse than a women with PMS some days. I totally understand that he is still getting over a 10 year addiction, but damn it it’s hard to not strangle him sometimes.

Now he’s in bed “sleeping” because “at least if I’m asleep I don’t have to fight the cravings.” Well makes sense, but what is he supposed to sleep the rest of his life away so he doesn’t have cravings or over eat? This is stupid. I am so on the verge of going out and just getting him a pack of cigarettes. Would that be so terrible? Sure he may get cancer and he may die at a not so old age, but the alternative isn’t looking much happier. He is overly self aware of every flaw he thinks he has, he eats to substitute the cravings and he’s miserable. So he can die of cancer from smoking or heart disease from being overweight and not working out to stay healthy? Hmm I don’t know, which death would you rather see your spouse suffer? This just sucks and there is nothing in this self addicted world that I can do to help him at this point. In fact it seems that I only make things worse. I’m never in the mood at the right times, I have a child who gets on my husband’s nerves quicker than someone lighting up in front of him, I’m losing weight, I can eat popcorn? (he doesn’t like popcorn anyways!) My mere existence is aggravating to him but the flip side of that coin is he can’t live without me.

In the meantime I’m stuck on this roller coaster ride trying hard to help and not lose my own sanity at the same time. I’m supposed to be the weak willed one who falls apart easily, not him. I’m not used to having a man need me for something more than a sex toy, a parent for their child from some other woman, or a maid. Now he needs me to be his kite string, his support and I have no idea how to do that. I’ve never been needed before, and it dumbfounds me. I would normally say just go with it, you’ll figure it out. What if I don’t? What if I can’t help him and he ends up going back to smoking? Is it that bad? I feel as if I’ve failed him at this point and I’m not sure how to repair the damage. Did I force him to be someone that he wasn’t meant to be by getting on a health kick? Am I the terrible person? Sh** someone tell me what I’m supposed to do here cause I’m flying solo and I don’t have a pilot’s license.

Men have feelings too!

I feel like such a jerk.

Here I am blogging about how thrilled I am about myself losing weight and getting back into shape, with no regard at all to how my husband may be feeling about himself at this moment. I guess I truly wasn’t thinking. Here’s the story of how I went from wife of the year to blatant jerk in about 10 minutes.

My husband quit smoking a few months ago and has been doing so wonderfully with the patches that I can’t help but be anything other than super proud of him. However just like with women when men quit smoking they put on a few pounds because they trade that oral fixation of cigarettes with the oral fixation of food. I never really figured it was a big deal because there isn’t as much pressure but on men to be “perfect” in society right? Or is there?

I have to admit I am a huge fan of the muscle structure of the human body. I love watching muscles work and flex, it’s sexy. I also watch wrestling, which is ripe with men (and women) who are ripped and muscled in place most of us don’t even have places. They look damned good, they have to it’s their job. I can’t say that I haven’t oogled a wrestler or two before because of their beautiful physique. (Should I mention that Triple H is my favorite wrestler?) I never realized that this might have an effect on the man who I go to bed with every night, but somehow I think it does.

Today my husband and I got the idea to take measurements of each other and see how we compared. I was game, so when he came home for lunch we did just that. I had gotten my recent measurements while I was at the gym, so I proceeded to take his measurements. However during this process I kept pointing out how better my measurements were and how my arms and legs are more muscular than his. This is not something that you ever want to do to your spouse. I wasn’t doing it to be mean, I didn’t even realize I was doing it. In my excitement about my weight loss and new muscle tone, I totally forgot myself and wasn’t thinking of his feelings at all. He stormed out of the house upset because he says that “He’s a fat slob.”

That is not how he wanted to spend his lunch and I definitely didn’t mean to make him feel bad about himself. How do I fix this? I can tell him time and time again the ways that I find him attractive. I tell him what I think makes him sexy. I write him poetry even when I’m feeling inspired. This however isn’t enough for him at this point. His self-esteem has taken a nose dive and I can’t help but feel partly responsible for it. Yesterday while we were chatting online I mentioned that I would like to help him feel good about himself and maybe help him make some changes that might do this. Maybe getting a hair cut (he hasn’t had it cut in 10 years!). Maybe getting some hair color to enhance his facial features and not be so drab. I knew that worked for me when I was feeling a little down and out. Well he didn’t warm to the idea of me wanting to change him and I think it might have offended him just a little bit. I’m not exactly sure how to console a man who is down on himself. I’ve never really had to do that. I’ve always dated men who were too full of themselves, so self esteem wasn’t an issue.  I wasn’t even aware that looks were that big of a deal to men.

I guess that women aren’t the only ones feeling the pressures of being beautiful in this day and age. I mean look at sports stars and actors recently. They are tone, cut and gorgeous and men have to live up to that image to please their wives. (or so they think). If we had the money for personal trainers to come to our home, or a nutritionist to make our meals for us everyday, I’m sure we’d both be stunning. However this is reality, not Hollywood!

Does he not understand that I absolutely melt when I look in his eyes. They change colors with his mood. It’s so awesome. They can be as blue as a sapphire or so light they look silver. I’ve even seen them green before when he was feeling mischievous.  His legs are muscular and very sexy. They are strong and I love they way the muscles feel when he flexes them. Same with his arms. When he holds me tight and I feel the love and security that they bring to me, it’s the best feeling in the world. Sure he doesn’t have a 6 pack and biceps that require tank tops or risk ripping shirt sleeves, but I don’t want that. I love the man I have! So what if he’s a little fluffy, that makes no difference to me. I fell in love with him for more reasons that I can count and I accepted who he was and what he looked like straight out the gate. If I had known that bringing up changing things might have caused this beautiful man to feel bad about himself I never would have went there. How could I be so insensitive?

Hopefully this will all pass and I can find some way to make him feel better about himself. Sure he’s not as motivated about exercise as I am (he loathes the gym), and he’s not as active as I am, but I will do whatever it takes to make this man see that he doesn’t need to worry about me not being completely in love with him, because I so am. So much in fact I wrote an entire blog about him! (lol).

So ladies keep this in mind the next time you are looking at your significant other wishing he looked like your favorite actor: Men have feelings too! How would you feel if he kept suggesting to you that you look like a super model? See it would hurt and you would feel bad about yourself. Well it’s a two way street. So give that man of yours a big hug and tell him he’s perfect the way he is, it might make a world of difference!